Download: Talking to Children About Grief

Download: Grief Activities for Children

Ages 0 -3 – Up to age 3, children understand that all objects are alive, but cannot understand the concept of death. They will notice something is missing, but the idea of the person or pet not returning does not developmentally register.

·      Picture books about grief (My Favorite Color is Blue. Sometimes.: A Journey Through Loss with Art and Color by Roger Hutchinson)

·      Explain things simply rather than using religious or philosophical ideas. “They got sick and died.” Rather than “They are visiting heaven.”

Ages 3-5 – Children of this age will move from all things are alive to anything that moves is alive. The permeance of death is not understood.

·      Age-appropriate books about grief: (Lifetimes: A Beautiful Way to Explain Death to Children by Bryan Mellonie ) More comprehensive list of books: https://elunanetwork.org/resources/top-5-books-on-grief-for-ages-2-5

·      Stick to routines as much as possible

Ages 5-11 – The understanding that death of permanence begins. Around age 9 children will begin to understand that death is universal (all things including them will one day die).

·      Age-appropriate books about grief: (Grief is a Mess by Jackie Schuld) More comprehensive list of books: https://elunanetwork.org/resources/top-5-grief-books-for-children-ages-7-12

·      Encourage physical activities

·      Allow children to keep mementos

Ages 11-13 – The understanding of the permeance of death is solid but they may use magical thinking (the person is just on a long trip and will return) as a coping mechanism.

·      Age-appropriate books about grief: (When Someone Very Special Dies: Children Can Learn to Cope with Grief by Marge Heegaard ) More comprehensive list of books: https://elunanetwork.org/resources/top-5-grief-books-for-children-ages-7-12

·      Encourage expression through art and creativity

·      Share your sadness with the child. This helps normalize grieving.

Ages 13-18 - The understanding of the permeance of death is solid and they will begin to question the meaning of life.

·      Age-appropriate books (The Loose Ends List by Carrie Firestone) More comprehensive list of books: https://elunanetwork.org/resources/top-5-grief-books-for-children-ages-13-17

·      Introduce guided mindfulness practices for anxiety

·      Monitor behavior changes and stay engaged

Disenfranchised grief: grief that is not acknowledged as legitimate by society.

Download: Disenfranchised Grief and Addiction by The Reclamation Sisters

Websites:

• www.grasphelp.org – GRASP is Grief Recovery After Substance Abuse, a national resource founded to provide sources of help, compassion and understanding for those whose loved one died from substance abuse or addiction. They also provide online and in person support groups throughout the country

• www.overdoseday.com - International Overdose Awareness Day is an annual global event to raise awareness of overdose and reduce the stigma of drug related deaths. Acknowledging the grief felt by families and friends, Overdose Day spreads the message that the tragedy of overdose is preventable.

• www.survivorresources.org – Restoring Hope, Reclaiming Life is their focus. Survivors Resources is a non-profit organization that offers support groups, crisis response, grief counseling and other services for families of victims of death due to homicide, suicide, accidental overdose or violent deaths.
  

• www.broken-no-more.org- Provides support and guidance to those who have lost a loved one due to substance abuse.
  

• https://www.thedinnerparty.org/ - Provides a virtual resources and spaces to connect with others who are also facing grief. Multiple options for interaction make this a unique and special experience. 

• https://www.shatterproof.org/nationalmemorial - Offers the option to post a memorial of your loved one on the National Addiction Memorial and allow others to donate to the organization in their honor. 

Books:

• When A Child Dies From Drugs by Pat and Russ Wittberger
  

• Losing Jonathan by Robert and Linda Waxler

• Life After the Death of My Son: What I’m Learning by Dennis L. Apple

• One Way Ticket: Our Son’s Addiction to Heroin by Rita Lowenthal

• Devastating Losses: How Parents Cope with the Death of Child to Suicide or Drugs by William Feigelman, John Jordan, John McIntosh, Beverly Feigelman
  

• Dark Wine Waters: My Husband of a Thousand Joys & Sorrows, Frances Simone
  

• The Grief Chronicles: A Survivors Manual for Death by Overdose by Marie Minnich

Tips for when the Holidays are less than Joyful

The holidays inundate us with images of perfect families in matching pajamas and plates of warm cookies. However, for most of us, the Holidays are filled with heightened emotions (both good and bad!), memories of absent or lost loves ones, more time spent with people who we may have difficult relationships with, financial stresses and feeling like we must put on a happy face for others.  

This is a reminder that it is always ok to not be ok. Even during the Holidays.

Here are a few things you can do to help yourself or a loved one during the Holidays:

1.     Allow space for yourself or the loved one who is struggling. Meet people where they are. Hold space and love for those who can’t show up with a smile. The biggest thing we can do for ourselves, and others, is to acknowledge these feelings as legitimate.

2.     Set boundaries. We sometimes think that we will ruin things for others if we don’t show up and participate in a way that they might desire. The Holidays take a LOT of energy and making sure you are recharging your battery allows you to be the best version of yourself when you can show up. This is a reminder that you can decline invitations to events. The people who matter the most will want what is best for your physical and mental health.

3.     Traditions, Rituals and Pauses. If you are grieving the loss of or absence of someone, you might consider reactivating or expanding one of their favorite Holiday traditions, making their favorite recipe or dessert, or setting aside time to “be” with them before the momentum of the day begins. Having a space at the table for them as a visual acknowledgement is ok too.

4.     Check in with others. Text your friend/loved one/coworker/neighbor who you know may be facing a difficult time. Whether difficulties arise due to a first Christmas without a loved one, or a change in traditions due to a breakup, divorce, empty nesting or travel, letting them know you’re thinking of them is a healthy and helpful part of support. If you are struggling, it is ok to reach out to others even during the Holiday season. If that still feels difficult there are hotlines and resources below to access spaces where you can find support.

Free Resources for Support During the Holidays:

Open Grief Groups:

Find a Group Near You: https://www.griefshare.org/holidays

Virtual Open Group on Grief at the Holidays: www.mourningfeatherdoulas.com/joinus

Online Forums:

https://healthunlocked.com/anxiety-depression-support/about

Hotlines:

Warmlines US Directory: https://www.warmline.org/warmdir.html#directory

988 – Suicide & Crisis Hotline